Burn this.

I miss sucking your cock.

I miss the way you smell. I miss the way you dig in your ear when you think no one is watching. The way you carefully adjust your hair, which is so easy to mess up. The way you hold a knife and the way you lace your boots. I miss watching you from across the room while you put on your makeup. I miss your tobacco.

I miss the way you got so good at kissing me even though it was often a surprise, and all your little products and routines. I miss putting my hand in your shorts in the bathroom while you were washing your face. I miss running lines with you, because it was the closest we ever got to snuggling. I miss how tight you held my wrist because you knew I liked it. And I miss all those times in the dark that were the closest we ever got to fucking.

Oh, I know this is too emotional for you. It's too emotional for me. But it's not hurting anybody, tiger. I won't put it to the test if you won't.

I miss how you would back up against me before going onstage and would pinch me and usually not care where. I miss when you'd accidentally get tender and open with me. I miss the time we both started singing Proud Mary and every time we burst into song and all the stuff we talked about that noone else got. I miss your hands on my tits.

I miss watching you flirt your way to fame. I miss your arrogance and your little man bag. I miss giving you presents. I miss being part of your secret life. I miss stroking your naked back from the neck to the ass with my hand.

I miss chasing you down the street. I miss calling and getting your outgoing message and not leaving a message.

I miss the literary references. I miss your dirty jokes and your complete incredulity at things many people take for granted. I miss how you would stop like a child in the street just to look at things. Your awe at the spider. The way you'd tell me to fuck off.

I miss so much more than just how easy you are to turn on. Your crassness, your inattention, your brutal brutal honesty and your brutal little lies. I miss how you're like a display case that needs a crowbar. I miss the crowbar.

I miss being called Killer.